As of late… every one sings the song “Oceans.” I’ve read many blogs and posts with these lyrics in it. First the problem, then the lyrics providing somewhat of a solution or resolution for people’s hearts. And if you have been one of those people, by no means am I judging you. I just am in a totally different place. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on.
I’ve been asking myself these last few weeks…
What happens when oceans recede?
Because there is no water anymore. I’ve become all too acquainted with the storm, the waves, the movement, and the anxiety. Now, just stillness.
And I’ve heard it before… many have told me:
“Oh, honey… this is a great problem to have. God is teaching you to rest.”
He is? He didn’t tell me… glad he’s talking to someone.
But the real questions I’ve been asking myself are these:
What happens when there is nothing to test your faith? Are the absence of waves and storms all there is is nothingness. And still you’re expected to trust with no voice and no waves. Just… silence… air. Still.
Something dreadfully wrong must be about to happen for it to be this silent, this peaceful, this… still.
You would never think, but the presence of peace has created a lack of it.
And the waves continue to recede…
Peace replaces chaos and the wariness of being vulnerable becomes more apparent, more disdained and I become more prone to run.
Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever felt so at peace, you wake up to the fact that it may not be peace at all, but the calm before the storm?
That is anxiety. Anxiety that rushes in with it’s nasty cousin… shame. And the more I feed and entertain anxiety, the longer it stays in my house, my room, my mind.
I let go and fall into peace.
Let peace be the waves that are absent and let them wash over me in my wonder and anxiety.
Let peace live… and let me be still.
Because waters and waves recede… I must be still.